Led Zeppelin - Jimmy Page - Robert Plant - John Paul Jones - John Bonham


(Credits: Far Out / Julio Zeppelin)






They may have been the band that ousted The Beatles from their place as the world’s most exciting and commercially viable band, and they had a dab hand at rock as it became increasingly heavier and expansive, but Led Zeppelin were not the infallible rock gods that some fans might have you believe.


There is no doubt that the quartet was an excellent coming together of some of the sharpest musical minds of their time and that, despite the cultural rifts that may have existed between the residents of the West Midlands, Robert Plant and John Bonham, and middle-class Londoners Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones, if you put all four of them in a room together, their collective din had the power to transfix even in ways that The Beatles could never unlock.



Although the quartet did much to advance rock music, they were not immune to criticism. Whether it’s the fact that they not so subtly ripping off their heroes or some of their highly questionable off-stage antics, like any band of such stature, Led Zeppelin was not artistically devoid of the odd taint. This reality applies to them too original musical creations, and outside of the times they blatantly stole ideas from their idols, they released a ton of songs that paled in comparison to their highlights.


Sometimes maybe they tried too hard and thought they were funny when they weren’t in others or anywhere else, just downright creepy; the Led Zeppelin discography is littered with songs they should never have released for various reasons. That’s why we’ve listed five that British icons should have thought twice about seeing the light of day.


Songs Led Zeppelin should never have released:


‘Sick again’


Led Zeppelin will never be able to escape their sordid reputation regarding the ‘groupie’ scene of the 1970s. Some band members were reportedly associated with the ‘baby groupies’, the young, vulnerable teenage girls who hung out with and had relationships with some of the biggest stars of the time – men who were much older.


This, combined with the lyrics of ‘Sick Again’ from 1975 Physical graffiti, are vomit-inducing. Plant sings, “Said you’ve been digging me since you were thirteen/Then you giggle while you sigh and sigh.” While that’s absolutely disgusting, the next section adds a sinister dimension: “One day you reach sixteen / Painted lady in the city of lies”.


Plant later claimed that he wrote the song because he felt sorry for these young girls, which could very well be the case, but it doesn’t match the words, “I’m the one you want / I gotta be the one you want . need” feel less uncomfortable.





‘Royal Orleans’


Plant and Led Zeppelin were no strangers to questionable lyrics. According to Jones, the lyrics to ‘Royal Orleans’, from 1976 Presencewere a manifestation of the frontman’s homophobic attitudes in his younger days, which he attributes to his sheltered upbringing in the West Midlands. Although the song contains a tight groove, Plant mocks Jones for sleeping with a drag queen and accidentally setting his hotel room on fire is not possible today.


Adding insult to injury, Jones says the story isn’t even true. “Oh, that was Robert in his usual homophobic way,” the bassist claimed in 2001. “Everyone knew who those (drag queens) were. They were friends of Richard (Cole). And yes, we knew they were transvestites. We were friends… But Robert was a bit provincial.’ He also concluded that the singer was “a bit homophobic at the time.”





‘Hot dog’


Led Zeppelin was no stranger to playfully trying to imitate the work of others while not simply ripping it off. This is reflected in the James Brown-esque funk of ‘The Crunge’ from Houses of the Holyand, in a much less enjoyable moment, 1978’s ‘Hot Dog’ Enter through the outside door. The late 1970s were a strange time for the band; As new forms emerged, the world changed, and they tried to keep up, leading to this record, the last before Bonham’s death in 1980, with many different styles.


While “Hot Dog” is meant to be funny and an ode to the group’s longstanding love of old-school country, it’s an odd oddity on a record chock full of oddities. While Jones delivers some energetic barrehouse piano, guitar hero Page’s tone is completely rubbish and cheap, while Bonham’s drumming is incredibly dull and lacking his usual imagination. Not only this, but Plant’s vocals are extremely raspy, and the lyrics are strikingly gruesome, with awkward lines like “I took her at her word, I took it all” and “I took her love at seventeen / A little late these days it seems”.


They should have kept it within the four walls of their practice room. It’s desperate stuff.





‘Carousel ambra’


I said Enter through the outside door was varied. While the band may have returned to their rudimentary roots on ‘Hot Dog’, they delved into a different extreme on ‘Carouselambra’. While you can forgive the band to some extent for the record due to Bonham’s hardening alcoholism and bandleader Page’s heroin addiction, this left room for Jones to add more of his instincts to the milieu, which could have saved it. Although he had been crucial to some of their best songs such as ‘Black Dog’, this was not the case with ‘Carouselambra’, a truly terrible song.


It soon becomes clear what the negatives of this unnecessarily long 10:28 song are. One is the length, and the other is the serious lack of substance. The biggest problem, however, is that the keyboards, while advanced at the time, sound terrible today. They look incredibly tacky, made worse by the fact that the rest of the group is extremely bad at their respective roles.





‘Bonzo’s Montreaux’


This is an absolute stinker. Bonham cemented himself as a legendary drummer with the recorded version of ‘Moby Dick’ Led Zeppelin II. It crystallized his brilliant fusion of hard rock fury with moderate jazz technique. Still, it was a terrible idea to follow it up with “Bonzo’s Montreux,” recorded in September 1976 at Mountain Studios in Montreux, Switzerland.


Not released until 1982 CodaWith the band ending following the drummer’s sad passing two years earlier, recording it may have felt like a fitting way to honor their late friend, but Page’s heavy use of effects on this drum solo is maddening. The guitarist’s use of the new Eventide Harmonizer to create a steel drum effect makes for a very strange and even laughable listening experience that highlights just how ridiculous classic rock bands have become and why punk emerged in response.





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